It's not easy to be me...

Saturday, February 19, 2011

I want to be a super hero.

I want to single handedly save my family, the earth, the damned, the wayward, the sick, and the hungry all while stirring my compost bin, and monitoring my energy usage.  Is that too much to ask?

I want to be a doctor, healer, lawyer, advocate, engineer, carpenter, chemist and alchemist.  I want to achieve the perfect balance of holistic and scientific. 

I want to speak my mind, but in a way that changes opinions, not hardens them.  I want to be heard, but I don't want to be a loud mouth, or a doom sayer.

I want to use all the ingenuity, genius, and talent that God has bestowed on humans, while at the same time conserving, protecting and loving the earth. 

I, I, I, want, want, want.  I am a fool.  Jon told me that he was listening to a preacher.  The preacher said that his father told him, "You can't do two things at the same time and do either of them well."

Maybe, just maybe, the balance that I want so badly doesn't come from my doing this or that, one thing or another.  Maybe it comes from doing what I do best.  Maybe I have never known exactly what my best is, because I have bogged down my heart with goals I was never meant to achieve.  By trying to achieve everything, I have finished nothing.

Webster defines balance in several ways.

: an instrument for weighing: as a : a beam that is supported freely in the center and has two pans of equal weight suspended from its ends b : a device that uses the elasticity of a spiral spring for measuring weight or force
: a means of judging or deciding
: a counterbalancing weight, force, or influence
: an oscillating wheel operating with a hairspring to regulate the movement of a timepiece
a : stability produced by even distribution of weight on each side of the vertical axis b : equipoise between contrasting, opposing, or interacting elements

When I read over these I get the sense that balance is a heck of a lot of work to appear still.

Maybe, the goal is peace.


noun \ˈpēs\

Definition of PEACE

: a state of tranquillity or quiet: as a : freedom from civil disturbance
 b : a state of security or order within a community provided for by law or custom <a breach of the peace>

Ah, yes.  Much better. 

Now, don't get me wrong.  I am not going to "peace" through life.  Not gonna do whatever I want because I have a "peace" about it. 
It's time to stop the turmoil in my life.  I can be at peace knowing that I can't be everything.  I can't DO everything.  The adults who told me as a child that I could do ANYTHING?  Yeah, they were wrong!  And they started a cycle of shame thinly disguised as a message of hope.  Don't tell your kids they can do anything or be anything.  Instead, let  them know what they are doing great, NOW, right in front of you.  Same with friends and family.  Meet them where they are.  Acknowledge strengths, be willing to help with weaknesses when asked.  And as far as your own strengths: be still, take time and find what you do well and build on that.  You and I will benefit the earth with our own special talents and gifts.  Especially if we do them well, without guilt or stress.

It's time to put the spandex and cape where it belongs. 


Joni February 19, 2011 at 1:41 PM  

I'm all for equal rights but I think the feminist movement was a mistake. In our rush to be 'equal' in all ways we left the home to work. Then we realized the home was being neglected so we did that too. Uh on who is going to cook. Then we had to craft. To bake. To sew. To do. It. All.

I for one think this was a huge mistake (blog post forthcoming). I wrote a 22 page paper on it once.

We cannot do it all. And when we try and we fail, we feel like... failures. No one really says "HEY YOU LADY TRYING TO DO IT ALL. STOP." But they should. Cause we can't. But we'll go insane trying.

Cause we are women and that's what we do.

Marianne@Songbird February 21, 2011 at 12:45 AM  

don't we all want to be superwoman. Do it all and do it perfectly. It is a struggle to accept that we can't do it all and to know how to choose our priorities daily. I am always struggling with it myself too. Love this post, you seem to be on the right track.

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