I'm a big girl now!

Well, I have moved the blog.  You can now find me at www.pharmgirlfollies.com.  The blog looks like poo, but I am working on it.  I am not taking this one down until I am sure the water isn't too cold over there.

Thank you for your support.  I love you all!



Lizzie

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All in a good nights work...

Yesterday I went into town.  It's not as much of an ordeal for me as it used to be in Pe Ell.  My drive takes about 3 minutes if I stay in Rainsville, 10 if I go down the mountain to Fort Payne.  I went down the mountain.  To Wally World.  (I LIVE for IT) :( 

I knew going in that I wanted to make something quick for dinner.  I also knew that I wanted to do a "quick" project for the boys room.  The dinner I brainstormed and called into existence was English Muffin Mini Pizza's complete with mini turkey pepperoni.  (So CUTE!)




They're so tiny!!!

Though the tiny pepperonis won my heart, the dinner was only so-so.  The sauce I had in the pantry was super bland.  My mozzarella cheese had gotten slimy and had to be tossed. Cheddar only on pizza is a little lacking for me.  Oh well.   
While the kids watched Narnia.  I began to work on my "project".  I want some cute bunting for the boys room.  I say want, because, even after all the work I did, I still want some nicely done bunting for the boys room.  After seeing several blog posts that had some super fun, super cute bunting I decided to give it a go.

I had the fabric.  Check out how Walmart sells fabric now.



  Sorry about the blur, I was excited.  This is the fat quarter bundle.  They also have fabrics grouped my project, one yard cuts, two yard cuts, fabric type.  All in this neat little package.  No more waiting at a cutting counter. King size quilts are not really in my repertoire at this point, so this works for me.  It's hard to tell, but the theme is dragons, stars, castles and groovy.

I won't even dare to put up a tutorial on this project because I wanted to go off off off grid after doing it.  Like, live in a cave and rock back and forth for hours.  I was so irritated.  I followed the instructions of another blog that said to cut out all of the triangles, then go around the edge with pinking sheers. 

Okay, can I just say that whoever invented pinking sheers should be horse whipped?  My triangles became wavy pointy things that hardly resembled anything with three sides.  The site also instructed me to cut holes in the tops of the triangles to thread my string through.  Uh-huh.  This made them floppy and they looked awful.  I ended up just folding down a small strip and gluing it in with fabric glue..  Another roadblock was the castle print fabric.  It had been cut in the wrong direction.  (Not by me!)  So I had to make those triangles much smaller to be going in the right direction. 

Anyway, here is how it turned out:

It'll do.  Until the kids are out of the dragon phase.

At least the Smoking Cowboy is happy.

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Head on Over for A Giveaway!!

One of my favorite blogs, Keswick and Country has a giveaway going on.  Pop over to their site and check it out!  You can follow the link here.

The prize is jewelry designed by Caroline Armelle.  Have a long looksie.  You won't be disappointed!

Much Love,

Lizzie

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Sucker for a Sense of Humor

I have always loved comedians.  I mean, love, love.  My first crush was not typical...at all.  I remember it clearly.  I wrote a letter to the man I would marry. I saved it in my big brown sketch book.  Tenderly I wrote every word and sealed it with a kiss, hoping to one day mail it to:

Chevy Chase.  You read that right.  Not Kirk Cameron, no Brat Pack, no New Kids for This Kid, Michael Jackson...whatev!  Chevy Chase.  He was HUGE in my young life.  My first memory is of the movie Modern Problems.  Oh my, I was smitten.  He was silly, tanned, and had a super power.  What is better than that?  Throw in Seems Like Old Times and Foul Play with Goldie Hawn-fuggedaboudit!!!

Sadly, the letter was never mailed.  It was discovered by my mom!  She laughed at me!  Alas, love torn asunder.


Running along in a parallel love fest was my undying affection for these two guys:

Steve Martin!!!!!

Bill Murray!!!!



Honorable mention must also go to Dan Akroyd.  I love him, too.  Ghostbusters would have been but a shadow without his portrayal of Ray Stantz.  But Bill Murray, has that comic genius that springs up from somewhere so strange and wonderful, I want to go there and laugh, and laugh, and laugh.  If you have not seen The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, please do.  If you get nothing from it, you will at least know the inner workings of my sense of humor.

Steve Martin is so very near and dear to my heart, because he plays the banjo like a madman.  Talented?  That would be an understatement.  Married with musical genius is the greatest off the wall talent that I have ever witnessed.  His is the Maestro of Quirk.  I had the chance to see him play live and in person.  If I had the chance to meet him, I would probably pee my pants.  I don't care what his personal or political beliefs are.  I just love him.  Unconditionally.  LooooOOOOOvvvveeeee!  If you have met him and he is an old curmudgeon, don't tell me.


Moving later into my teens and twenties I had two raging crushes on the next two lads:

Jim Carrey ♥

Mike Myers ♥


I wanted to MARRY these guys.  I think you are getting the drift.  I tended to love guys who had an amplified version of my sense of humor.  I am pretty wacky.  If I had ever paired up with either one of them, I would have spontaneously combusted.  Either from laughing or trying to one up them. It would have ended badly.  When Jim Carrey was with Jenny McCarthy I thought, "Wow, kooky funny blonds CAN get comedians!!"  Life was so positive for me during that time. ☺


Just to show you that I am surreeusss, I will admit something that NO ONE knows.  I also nursed a little crush for this guy:

Arsenio Hall is pretty dang funny.  I watched his nightly talk show just to hear his jokes.  When the Wayans Brothers made fun of him on In Living Color...I. was. mad.  Don't shoot down my Arsenio!!  I don't know what happened to him.  If you can tell me I would love to hear it.  Arsenio Hall made a lot of my miserable school nights lighter and easier to deal with.



Now that I am married to my Southern Born and Bred Hunk O Manly, I don't crush on comedians anymore.
But I still have ones that tap into silliness central.  These next two make me laugh so hard that I cry, pee, and sometimes cough uncontrollably.

Too much!

Zach Galafianakis ( I hope to the Maker I spelled that right!)


So now you know my secret loves.  The weird thing is, I never dated anyone like these guys!  I have always dated the brooding, serious jack ass.  I guess I was so prideful that I had to be the funny one in the relationship. 

Got any secret loves??  Feel free to share.

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New Week New Stuff!

It's the start of a new week here at the Clements Farm.  To kick off the week, I installed a device that will alter our lives and could damage our psyche.  Hey, the kids are too young to remember all these goofy things I have done.  Not Jacob. The little kids.  Jacob knows everything and never ceases to remind me.

Here it is:

You can find it here.  It was pretty cheap, and that frightened me a little.  I figured it would be a pile of junk.  It's not.  Actually the hose is really great quality and the installation is a breeze.  The package supplied me with enough Teflon tape for several more projects.

What is the Blue Bidet?  Well, it's for the poopies.  Sorry.

Now, you know I would rather spit hot fiery nails than refer you to treehugger.com, but I will.  The site had the quickest run down on why to use a bidet.  You can read about bidet usage here.

Just in case you, my dear friends, don't know.  I am a lady.  I use a LOT of toilet paper.  I use it for LOTS of things.  (Like wiping the rim of the toilet obsessively.)  Being a lady of learnedness, I came to the conclusion that I could work toward making my home practically paper product free. 

About a year ago, I stumbled onto (sorry, I didn't stumbleupon it) Grocery Shrink's website.  I was looking for ways to cut costs.  I have worked most of her cost cutting suggestions into our lives, except the no toilet paper deal.  The whole concept was mind boggling.  No toilet paper?  Say what?  She doesn't use a bidet (at least I don't think she does).  Just cut up cloths put into the wash. 

It's the whole "putting them in the wash" thing that put my husband and I at loggerheads every time I brought up the paper free concept.  He is very technical.  (and very wordy.)  Saving money on toilet paper was not going to save us any money at all.  In fact, it would cost more, because we have propane to heat our water.  Running an extra load everyday would require more hot water equaling more propane usage.  So, I would drop the whole idea and sulk.  And stomp.

Then, one magical day, I caught an episode of Dr. Oz.  He was talking about bidets.  For the record, I cannot stand Dr. Oz.  He is just so cool.  Whatever.  He's all Oprah-fied.  He makes my skin crawl.  That said, I am sure he is a great guy.  I listened to about three words of the show and off I went to research these magical tools.  Mine doesn't use hot water and the cloth is only needed to clean up water, so no heavy, hot cycles in the wash.

Anyway, it's super easy.  1-2-3 you're done.  Pat dry and go!  It stores nice and you can tell people its for spraying off diapers if you are so ashamed.

See?

Nothin' to it!


If you decide to get a bidet, I would recommend one that at least warms the water a little.  (If you don't have propane heat, spend a little extra).  The one drawback is that our well water is arctic cold.  Arctic. Cold.

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It's not easy to be me...

I want to be a super hero.

I want to single handedly save my family, the earth, the damned, the wayward, the sick, and the hungry all while stirring my compost bin, and monitoring my energy usage.  Is that too much to ask?

I want to be a doctor, healer, lawyer, advocate, engineer, carpenter, chemist and alchemist.  I want to achieve the perfect balance of holistic and scientific. 

I want to speak my mind, but in a way that changes opinions, not hardens them.  I want to be heard, but I don't want to be a loud mouth, or a doom sayer.

I want to use all the ingenuity, genius, and talent that God has bestowed on humans, while at the same time conserving, protecting and loving the earth. 

I, I, I, want, want, want.  I am a fool.  Jon told me that he was listening to a preacher.  The preacher said that his father told him, "You can't do two things at the same time and do either of them well."

Maybe, just maybe, the balance that I want so badly doesn't come from my doing this or that, one thing or another.  Maybe it comes from doing what I do best.  Maybe I have never known exactly what my best is, because I have bogged down my heart with goals I was never meant to achieve.  By trying to achieve everything, I have finished nothing.

Webster defines balance in several ways.

1

: an instrument for weighing: as a : a beam that is supported freely in the center and has two pans of equal weight suspended from its ends b : a device that uses the elasticity of a spiral spring for measuring weight or force

2

: a means of judging or deciding

3

: a counterbalancing weight, force, or influence

4

: an oscillating wheel operating with a hairspring to regulate the movement of a timepiece

5

a : stability produced by even distribution of weight on each side of the vertical axis b : equipoise between contrasting, opposing, or interacting elements

When I read over these I get the sense that balance is a heck of a lot of work to appear still.

Maybe, the goal is peace.

¹peace

noun \ˈpēs\

Definition of PEACE

1

: a state of tranquillity or quiet: as a : freedom from civil disturbance

 b : a state of security or order within a community provided for by law or custom <a breach of the peace>

Ah, yes.  Much better. 

Now, don't get me wrong.  I am not going to "peace" through life.  Not gonna do whatever I want because I have a "peace" about it. 

It's time to stop the turmoil in my life.  I can be at peace knowing that I can't be everything.  I can't DO everything.  The adults who told me as a child that I could do ANYTHING?  Yeah, they were wrong!  And they started a cycle of shame thinly disguised as a message of hope.  Don't tell your kids they can do anything or be anything.  Instead, let  them know what they are doing great, NOW, right in front of you.  Same with friends and family.  Meet them where they are.  Acknowledge strengths, be willing to help with weaknesses when asked.  And as far as your own strengths: be still, take time and find what you do well and build on that.  You and I will benefit the earth with our own special talents and gifts.  Especially if we do them well, without guilt or stress.

It's time to put the spandex and cape where it belongs. 

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Testing Department-Sublevel- Foodstuff

This is a product review for:

I ate the entire bag on the way home from the grocery store.


Finis.

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Thursday...Whatta bout it?????????

I made a crocheted pillow cover.
I hate it.

I noticed people unfriended me on Facebook.
I hate it.

I feel all stupid and emotional.
You guessed it.

I hate it.

???????

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Sunny Day

Sunny days are special to us.  Here is what you'll see on the Clements Farm:

Pancakes!

jed

smiles

outside smiles



teenager smiles



new life...

ongoing life

flo

tipsoo

brothers...

wiley weeds

and pests.

enjoy

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...I need help!!! My horse for an interior decorator!

A while back I gave you a tour of the farm. 

Today, I will give you, gentle reader, a tour of the house.  At least, most of the house.  I did not snap pics of our bedroom or Jacobs bedroom.  Believe it or not, they were in worse condition than the other rooms.  When I get down to making those rooms over, I will post all the before and afters you can stand.

Here is the living room:

The area over by the fireplace is most frustrating.  There are cardboard ceiling tiles that are sagging.  The whole living room ceiling seems to be pulling away due to past water damage.  (The roof has been replaced, and the beams underneath appear to be fine.  It's just the plaster that's falling down.)

Another angle

We haven't changed anything in the room.  Just stuck our stuff in there.  We have my husbands recliner, grandma's old chair and an ikea klippan couch for seating.  I hope the paneling will paint nicely.  I really don't want to have to tear all of that down along with the ceiling. The floors are just the old sub floor.  Pawpaw got a wild hair and had the carpet torn out.  The boards are springy.  If I keep my weight down, we should be okay.

The door that is closed leads to Jacobs room.  His room is the largest in the house as far as bedrooms go.  The room boasts the same paneling as the living room.

Here we go down the hallway

Notice anything?  Yep, crooked walls.  I am truly hoping that it's just bowed paneling.  Hey, I can hope, right? This is facing back toward the living room.  On the left are two doors.  The first leads to our bedroom, the second goes to the bathroom.

Okay, the picture is very crooked.  Don't panic. Can I just take a moment to vent here?  Why in the hey diddly heck fi do people put water heaters in the bathroom and not build a closet around them?  Or build the closet and not put a DOOR?  This is the second house I have been in that I have to stare at an UGLY water heater.  It makes me so MAD! 

Okay-dusting off-carrying on.  The bathroom once had a claw foot tub.  It was removed and now there is a shower insert that has two walls that jut out and it makes zero sense.  Instead of butting it up into a corner, it just hangs out there.  It blocks the window, and leaves a small gap about a foot wide.  Maybe some shelves can go there.  Of all the rooms, I scratch my head the most on this one.

Let's move on to the kitchen and dining area

BTW, Char-lie (aka Stovie) has been replaced.  I'll pass on the moment of silence.  Wanna hear the best part?  Lowes was willing to take the darned thing away for free, but my father in law wanted to keep it.  (He had just replaced all the elements by G-- and put a new cord on it!!!)  Now it holds a place on our FRONT PORCH. 

Up next is the back porch.  One day it will be a guest/school room.

The room has lot of windows and is full of light.  As you can see, the ceiling is especially bad in this room.  This room gets priority over the others because it is kinda dangerous.  At any given time a piece of the ceiling can fall down.  Not good for guests.  Excuse the mess.   The porch and the laundry room is the "just throw it anywhere" area of the house right now.

This is what happens when Jon decorates:

He said he just wanted to get the stacks of pictures out of the way, so the cats wouldn't pee on them.  Yeah right!  If there is a picture lying around, it drives him absolutely nuts if its not on the wall.


The laundry room needs a lot of t.l.c, too.

Those two closets are the only ones in the house that have doors.  Our room and the bathroom have tiny closets that are not deep enough to hold a standard hanger.  The other bedrooms have no closet at all. 

The hole goes up to the attic.  The mess...needs to be torched.

There it is.  I don't know where to start.  I am overwhelmed!  I have lots of ideas, but I am just one gal here in Alabama.  My plan is to go room by room and take my time.

 I'd love to wake up one morning and it all be done.

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Shootout on the Clements Farm

I have never shot a handgun before.  (Not that I can remember at least.)

Today, Jon wanted to bond with me.  His version of bonding is to shoot guns.

My options were a 22 caliber and a 9mm (If I wrote this wrong, forgive me, I am gun illiterate.  Sorry, Dad.)

I threw on Jacob's biker jacket to complete my shooting ensemble, and ran out to meet my love.

Everything went off without a hitch with the 22.  Then...the 9mm.  Whoops.

I was aiming for an overturned white bucket parked next to the chicken coop.  (Remember, no chickens live there.  No ANIMALS were harmed during this experiment.)

Here is what I hit:

Pointing to a second bullet hole.  It came from the grassy knoll, I swear!

Yup, both windows.  Yikes.

Not the leather!!!

Lesson learned:  Don't stash Cadillacs around the farm.

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Let's Hide-Away!

I am home from my overnight excursion with my Southern Born and Bred hunk o'manly.  Can I say...fun?  Romantic?  Lovely? 

This is where Jon whisked me off to:

Shhhh....it's a secret!  I wondered what I was in for!

This is the lodge.  There are several cottages on the property, but they were booked up.  I thought it was great to be in the main house. 

The owners of the bed and breakfast are Carl and Diann Cruickshank.  The house has the most amazing history.  The builder was a visionary.  Read all about it here. 

Diann & Carl

(photo is from their blog)

Upon entering the home, we were welcomed by the Cruickshanks like we were family.  I was immediately in awe of the Great Room.  It was huge and packed with memorabilia.   I about jumped for joy when I found out the their son in law is a member of one of my favorite christian bands mercyme.  (Okay, now they are my favorite.)

After taking in all the neat little do dads and chatting with our hosts, we headed up to our room. (Side note: Diann did an excellent job of recommending a restaurant to us.  Unfortunately, we selected somewhere else.  We heard how wonderful the food was at the restaurant she recommended.  Next time-we will listen to her!)




This was in the hallway. 





How Sweet!!

Hey there, stranger...

It's customary for Jon to use the bathroom as soon as we get anywhere.  So while he did that, I looked around the room for the booklets Diann told us about when we arrived.

I found these.  When I opened them up....

 ... I read a note from Diann and Carl addressed to their guests.  After that, there were entries from those who had stayed there before us and the stories of the wonderful time they had.  Okay, this was too much for me.  I almost cried.


After I was all verklempt, I moved on to the folders that held the info on various restaurants and attractions.



Just perfect for a romantic weekend getaway was our choice:

Yep...Beans and Greens.  Yeah.

Now, don't get me wrong.  The food was very good.  It was down home cooking, way out in the country.  I mean...way out.  The staff was friendly, but the girl at the register had a look that reminded me of Nurse Ratched.  She was a bit of a heavy.  A scowling gal.  Iron fist.  Tough cookie.
This joint had a buffet that had all the fixins.  Beans, cornbread, cobblers, cole slaw, peas, corn, fried chicken, hush puppies, you name it.  While we were eating I told Jon, "You know almost every item on that buffet is gas producing."
Without missing a beat he said "Well, the room has two beds."  Charming.

After gorging ourselves on various forms of cabbage, we headed back to the lodge.  We tried to remember the code to get in the back door.  Jon tried it twice and promptly set off the alarm.  Oops!

Once we were back in the room, Jon decided to go pick out a movie downstairs.  (There is no cable or satellite in the rooms.  You can get a movie, or play sudoku, or stare at each other.  I loved it!)

He told me that Diann said she would never let Carl pick out a movie.  Maybe I should adopt her policy, because his choice was Grumpy Old Men.  I was in a really good mood so I didn't complain.  Besides, that movie is down right funny.

Before we watched the movie, I thought we needed a little "quiet time".  So we were "quiet" for awhile then watched the movie. 

Morning came far too quickly.  The beds were so comfortable.  The linens were obscenely soft.

Breakfast was served at 9:00 am sharp. 

That is a giant lazy susan in the middle!

Once again, we loaded up on scramble eggs, biscuits and gravy, grits, sausage, orange juice and hot coffee.  Can I say "Yum?"  Oh yes, I can!  Everyone shared funny stories, especially Diann.  Jon and I just listened and laughed.  Yes, our hosts sat down and broke bread with us.  Such lovely people.
This is also when we found out that EVERYONE else at the table had taken Diann's advice and gone to Tony's.  While they raved about the steak, I kicked Jon under the table.  (Kidding!)

The most amazing thing about the secret is the view.  It is knock your socks off beautiful.

Please forgive my meager camera for not conveying the majesty of the view.




You. do. not. even. know. Ok?



This is a roof top pool.  Amazing.  See what the couple is amazed by? Yep, the view.  It's unreal.  Yet real.

A newspaper clipping in the lodge sums it up perfectly:

Me too.  Amen.

Now, these next pictures are something that I tried to avoid entirely.  Jon would not have it.  He was not leaving without a picture in this beautiful chair:

LOL!

After seeing his joy, I couldn't resist.

Finally, a chair that is perfectly sized for a tall gal!

 I am so happy that Jon drug me off for the weekend.  I am even more happy that he chose the secret.  I had a wonderful time.  Thanks again to Carl and Diann for making it wonderful.  We will definitely have to go there again.

Dear friends, if you should ever venture my way, please stop by the secret.

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